When Danny and I got engaged a friend of mine told me that Danny would "stifle my free spirit." Those words have come back to me many times over the 15+ years that we have been married.
I have been deeply reflecting on my marriage the last couple of days because on Sunday I learned that a couple we know is separated. "We just grew apart. Our interests are different,"she told me. It caused me to reflect on my interests and Danny's interests. Honestly, we don't have that many of the same interests. I love football. He doesn't like to watch sports. He likes conservative politics and staying current with the news. I like reading fiction that takes me away from the real world. He likes working outside in the yard. I don't. :-) I like watching a little mindless TV once in a while. He prefers reading books in Spanish. He is pretty serious about life. I am hopelessly optimistic and happy.
Honestly, yes, there are days when I have felt (and still feel) like he is "cramping my style." But, when I reflect on those times, I realize that my "free spirit" needs a bit of stifling. That is what marriage is all about. The trick is to learn how to do that while still celebrating and honoring the other person's strengths. How does one celebrate the person that is their spouse and yet still help them to become more like Christ?
There is so much I want to say about this subject, and I have deleted about eight different paragraphs because I don't want to get boring or preachy. I guess I realized that it isn't about "common interests." It is about a mutual commitment to loving and serving each other long after the romantic feelings have turned to more realistic ones. It is about knowing exactly when to "stifle" the other person and when to celebrate them. And I think Danny does this well.
2 comments:
I think that having a spouse that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that *God* intended for me, has made all the difference in how I see not only my marriage, but marriage as a whole.
Sometimes it isn't fun to be married to my husband. Sometimes it isn't romantic. But when I look at our relationship in the context of real life, and not just fairy tale dreams...it's always *good* for me. Not 'good' in the warm fuzzy way, but good for me in the growing-as-a-human-being-and-Christian way.
He truly is my 'other half', and sometimes, that means I have to acknowledge that there's a part of me that I've rejected...that I truly need. I believe he's God's way of giving it back to me. (Even if I don't see the sense in some of what he says/does, lol.)
We've seen several marriages break up over the last few years, and it's always sobering. And thought-provoking.
Ah, Mindy -- we've had one set of super close friends divorce; that was really hard. We've also had siblings divorce, and we've had to listen to the long list of problems with the ex-in-law. One brother in particular described ME when he was describing all the problems with his ex. We had to have a LONG talk after that visit; I needed massive amounts of reassurance that I was not ruining my husband's happiness.
I agree with you and Jill. We have many common interests, actually, but so many differences of style. Think Type A (him) and Type C (me). It makes life volatile quite often, but I agree that I am a MUCH better person as a result of regularly being sharpened by his approach to life.
Confidence in God's best is good (and knowing that God's best doesn't always make it cozy helps, too.) It is important to remember that life is not all about ME. It's about serving, and changing and accomodating a lot more than my interests.
Just tossing in my two cents to a subject that is important to me.
Take care,
Diane
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